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Is he the victim…. or am I?

When I last checked it was me who got dealt the card… wife of a sex addict, married to a man who has lied, cheated and manipulated his way through our marriage to get his kicks and thrills.

It is me who now questions every conversation, every special moment, every time I felt truly happy and realises that everything important wasn’t real because it has a side helping of lies.

It is me who wonders how I’m going to make this family work when I look into my daughters eyes and understand that my feelings and life goals and general self-worth had to be put to one side so she can have a shot of a normal family unit.

It is me who sits alone when he goes to-night work and question whether all this sex addict dilemma we are faced with is actually a cover up so he can carry on with his bubble, safely as I am under the proviso he is getting “help”.

So when he snaps at me and tells me it feels fucking shit! That he understands what I’m going through and that he knows next time I will leave. That it feels horrible knowing everyone hates him because of his actions. He will change but then shouts because I have been at work and he hates it.

It makes me think, maybe I’m fucking stupid. If the shoe was on the other foot and I had done all this to him….. I would …..No I just wouldn’t.

When am I gonna be enough? Why am I waiting for happiness to come?

There is no happiness, just a women that once was.

Fuck this, Fuck addiction, Fuck him.

In the dark

I’m going to get straight to the point, my husband is a sex addict!

I found this out all of 3 weeks ago and as a mother of a 4-year-old girl, with a life that was in my mind every inch happy, it has left me somewhat in the dark when it comes to understanding sex addiction and more importantly how this affects my marriage.

I’m am writing this blog as a form of ….education. I need to get out all the thoughts and feeling I am having because right now I want to castrate him and would have great pleasure doing so however out of the blue have had this “addiction” label thrown at me, which has again blown my mind.

Basically now I need to determine if my husband is a lying, dirty bugger or if in fact he has self-esteem issues, an addictive personality that when under pressure, depressed or lonely causes him to go to this dark place which in his case is… voyeurism, swinging websites, sexual social media platforms, porn and god knows what else.

So even if no one else ever reads this blog, I will be putting on here all of the steps I’m taking, my feelings during this time, any useful information I find and anything else that may help me un-scramble whats is now my marriage, my family and my life.